Speaking the truth about what you want in relationships isn’t always easy. Did this ever happen to you? You really wanted to say no but you ended up saying yes. Everytime you want to voice an opinion or a suggestion, you are replaying in your head, what to say, how to say it, what kind of words should you use and when it’s time to say it, there are all these fears that washes over. In this blog post, I will share with you some tips you can use to create a healthy boundaries and simply put – speak your truth not the world’s truth but just your truth.
Three weeks ago, I shared a post on my Instagram story its a cute little quote that simply says,
STOP: Over-explaining yourself and saying sorry when you don’t need to.
LEARN: To create boundaries & say no. Accept compliments.
I received a direct message from a loyal fan who says “I have all these habits! (with a heart emoji)” and immediately, I thought she had all the great habits of creating boundaries and accepting compliments so I said, “Amazing!” and she replied, “No no I mean I do not have them. I over explain myself and saying no is really difficult task.”
A few lines later, I offered her to create a content that would support her to create healthy boundaries and speak up for what she wants.
You see, all of us have been there. We said “YES,” when we really want to say “NO,”
Cultural & Society Expectation
Have you ever been taught to say no? Have you ever been taught to voice your opinion? Most of us were never taught that way, in fact, when you went into school as a young child, you might have even assumed that teachers are correct, they know it all and so you just have to follow the instructions and do what they say. This goes the same way with parents, you might have grown up in a society where parents or authority figures are more superior and you have to respect them otherwise you might be excluded from the norms and don’t fit in.
Saying No Leads to Wonderful Yes
But here’s the thing, learning to say NO and question WHY is actually what makes people very successful in life and it creates that strong foundation of self-love and happiness. I get asked by many people, what do you do? You are so positive, happy and inspiring and the tip I’m about to give you now is what I do on a regular basis. I learn to SAY NO and it takes practice but it’s possible.
You see, before you say NO, you have to envision first how you want to live your life, most people just immediately jump into saying no or wanting to deny that invitation without fully understanding the divine reasons behind it. Start looking at the big picture of how you want to your life to be, what are your life values? Are some of these things that you are saying YES to supporting you to happiness and joy?
Put Yourself First
Saying ‘NO,’ to people and PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST is challenging to do for many of us, trust me I have been there.
You are invited to a party, you are feeling tired, but this person is someone you know probably even your family member and you HAVE to go. What would they think of you if you don’t show up?
Or you are already overwhelmed with task and work and at HOME yet when your boss approach you to ask for a favor, you accept it even when you KNOW you can’t handle it so you compromise your mental health, physical health and your work life balance to please your boss.
I will give a very personal example, 5 years ago I have just kick started my yoga teaching career, I was this new kid on the block with this big vision of creating positive impact in people’s lives. I wanted to help people to be healthier, happier and have wonderful relationships.
I was working EVERY weekend this meant I had to say NO to many social engagements especially to SATURDAY brunches which was my favorite at the time.
Did I want to attend? Some of them yes and some of them no. Were there people in my family who expected me to be there? Absolutely but I stuck my eye on a BIGGER picture and that was to create a massive positive impact on people’s lives. It was then that I learn that when I say NO to something, I was actually saying YES to many other things that life and the Universe has to offer.
Fast forward 5 years later, now I have established a great network of clients, I have built my credibility to the point where my clients trusted me even when we work virtually because they know I would do everything in my power to help them so during my long period of travel last year, I worked virtually.
All those years of saying NO led to the BIG YES of working from home and having FREEDOM to say yes to the things that actually bring me JOY and now I have TIME to spend with my life partner and selected friends that uplifts my energy.
There are so many scenarios I can get into, but you know what, you probably have a story of your own! All those times when you said YES instead of NO out of guilt, overbearing duty and expectations of yourself and others.
Some of us possess the IDENTITY of a caregiver and it’s very hard to break that loop, giving might have even been an exchange for love, acceptance and appreciation of some kind for you.
Perhaps you feel responsible for others, for their well-being and their life and you CHOOSE to ignore yours because you might not want to bring conflict into the relationship but here is the thing, long term, when you are a YES MAN or a YES WOMAN, you are suppressing so many of your own needs and it starts showing up as physical, emotional, mental or even spiritual symptoms.
If you are wondering in your head, “Isn’t saying NO and putting yourself first selfish?” Honoring your needs, energy level and filling your cup first is an essential step to self-care which leads to self-love. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean you ignore everyone’s needs and only think about yourself, it means prioritizing and finding balance between serving yourself and others.
Take 5-6 minutes today to reflect whether you are ignoring your own needs, putting your well-being behind or putting off a class that you wanted to pursue.
Are you excited to learn more ways to put yourself first?
If you want to learn how to love yourself deeply, part of it is prioritizing what’s important for you and learning to say ‘NO,’ effectively.
Stephen Covey, the author of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People,’ says the challenge is not to manage time but to manage ourselves. He suggests that we must prioritize what is important over what’s urgent and let’s face it, all of us have been there, we react to the urgent matter in our work and day-to-day life at home. We also get caught up with distractions and put ourselves last.
When you first learn to say ‘NO,’ you might feel scared, guilty and even afraid of disappointing the person but with practice, it makes you progress.
So how do you it? JUST SAY NO! and say it with kindness and love and remembering your big picture of life. Even if your voice shakes, this is how you begin and remember an important aspect for you to look into is also releasing those anger, resentment, fears before you speak. I have so many tips for you available on my podcast, instagram posts, youtube videos and even offer a 1:1 virtual session to support you because I believe you deserve to have a happily ever after right now and it’s possible!
Remember what’s important for you, what your values are and what your needs are. Maybe you have that book you have always wanted to read, and it’s been on your bookshelf for the past year, create time for this.
By saying ‘No,’ to a social gathering or more work and to-do list that are not getting you anywhere let alone getting you towards your BIG PICTURE, you are actually creating more time to say YES to wonderful things and focus on what truly matters. YOU MATTER!